Life As I Know It...

This is going to get long and there will be a lot of me rambling and just getting some stuff out in the open. But I need it.  I wanted to share that I have been extremely down lately about my weight. I've been eating (mostly) the right things, running, doing stroller strides, and going to the gym. I workout out at the VERY least 4 days a week. Most weeks it's 6.
Oh and have I mentioned, I've run 4 half marathins in the past year? And I can't even count the number of 5K's, plus training runs... Our house is dairy and bread free. I say our house, because I will occasionally indulge if someone else brings it to our Wednesday night church gathering, or if we are eating out (very rare), but I do not purchase it for our home. I haven't had a carbonated beverage in over a year. I even kicked my ice cream craving over 8 months ago. I feel like I'm doing all of these things and eating so much better than other people (and my old self) and yet I haven't lost a pound. I went to my yearly doctors visit 2 weeks ago and they told me that I have gained 4 lbs in the past year. Now yes, some will say, oh 4lbs is not that bad! BUT..when you are 80 lbs overweight and have been doing all of these things for a year and a half to lose weight and you GAIN 4 lbs...let me just say I cried...multiple times.  I just don't understand how I can change my lifestyle so much and see absolutely nothing for it. It makes me want to go back to just eating Ice Cream and Grilled cheese again. And drink an omg I miss it Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper! ha! And yes. I did go out and indulge on some ice cream the next day because well...my defenses were down and I was depressed. Oh and before you say "Well it's the way your pants feel and inches lost that really matters!" (I hear this a lot too), I can barely fit in the pants I bought last summer and I've kept track of my inches and no I haven't even lost an inch in my calf, arm, neck...anywhere... I had the doctor do a full Thyroid Panel on me and when I called the nurse to get the results she was all giddy and said in a way to happy voice "The doctor wrote on here that everything looks PERFECT! He even had an exclamation point!". I then started crying. She said "That's not the answer you were wanting to hear?". I of course said no through my tears. I was hoping that if there was something wrong with my thyroid, then I would at least have some kind of answers! No answers were found though. They said my next step is just going to a Primary Care Physician and just letting them do more tests on me. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm doing what every doctor tells there patients to do. I don't want to hear someone else tell me "Well if you just walk 30 min a day, you can drop that weight in no time!" Well obviously not... I don't know if all the years of dieting poorly completely messed up my metabolism and my *old* age of 30 has just slowed it down even more, or what... SO I had my few days of sulking and I got right back to it. That's when I joined the YMCA and started doing the weight lifting and doing more workouts and pushing myself harder at each one.  I have gained 3 lbs since my doctor visit. Yeah...I'm hoping it's muscle! ha! I really don't know what else to do...I'm seriously at a loss... I'm trying really hard to keep a positive attitude, while deep down, I just want to cry. I'm so tired of being the fat girl in the room and absolutely DREADING having to sit down. I HATE wearing blue jeans and wear a lot of maxi dresses to just cover it all up. If anyone has ever been through this, or know someone who has, and can help me understand a little better, please let me know or send them my way! And (not to be rude), I don't really want a new shake or a new workout dvd to try. Been there, done that, and it obviously hasn't worked either... Also, one positive thing going on right now... Next month I am going to Austin (without my child! OMG!) to take a Fit4Mom/Stroller Strides Instructor Class! I will be certified to teach stroller strides and will hopefully be starting to coach a Couch 2 5K class for moms in the Fall!!! I am SOOOOO Super excited about this! I will be helping others to achieve their goals! And Sophie gets to come along with me, which makes it even better! She has made a GREAT running buddy for me lately! This is a new chapter in my life and I CAN'T WAIT to get started!!! :)